No Is A Complete Sentence (And Other Ways To Set Boundaries)August 15, 2022 |
We've all been in situations where we've been asked to do something, given advice we didn't ask for, or in a conversation with someone who is trying to wear us down. In these situations, "no" can be a complete sentence, but setting up boundaries (and knowing how to articulate them) can allow you to be in more authentic and sustainable relationships.
While boundaries can sound like something complicated or serious, the simplest definition is what you are okay and not okay with. When we let people do or say things that we are not okay with, we can become resentful of the person, the task, and even ourselves. While it can be a challenge to set boundaries, it becomes much easier to be loving and generous, given those boundaries are respected.
Ask yourself: What boundaries need to be in place for me to stay within my integrity? These are non-negotiables for you to feel and be respected. Once you have an answer, you need to set the expectation for people in your life. This is often an uncomfortable process as we want people to like us, and we don't want to disappoint them. But your kindness isn't sustainable without boundaries... and in the words of Brené Brown, "Clear is kind."
Below are some phrases that you may find helpful as you decide and begin to practice setting boundaries with people in your life.
This is not a skill that comes naturally to people. And, for some, their desire to be liked may feel more important than their desire to respect themselves and their limits. However, if you've done the work and set your boundaries, your empathy, compassion, and ability go further as they become more viable for you.
For some people, this is a skill they choose to work on with a therapist. If you've been curious about - or recognize a need to do - this work, Candelen provides free consultations with a therapist to see if we can be helpful. Schedule your consultation here.
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